Author: Royal Renter

Sports, For People Who Kind Of Hate Sports: November 1

Sports
Sports, for People Who Kind of Hate Sports is a weekly guide intended to provide the sports inept with talking points for interactions with professional superiors, chatty Uber drivers, significant other’s male relatives and other athletically inclined associates.

OverheardLA Dodgers Post

Taken from the @overheardla feed. 

The Drama

In addition to providing NBA fans with one of the best taglines in recent history, Joel “The Process” Embiid has also provided the Sixers with a boosted offensive and defensive rating. For perspective, Embiid’s opponent points-per-drive rating of 0.63, compared to the league average of 0.94. It looks like the Cavs better streamline those locker room therapy sessions if they want to catch up to the heat coming out of Philly.

The NFL trade deadline is approaching, because you didn’t have enough things to stress out about today. There’s nothing funnier to me than envisioning a bunch of NFL coaches and owners scrambling to physically exchange giant football players across a crowded trading room floor. I imagine Aaron Rodgers and Adrian Peterson catapulting through the air like some GE stock while a bunch of stressed out assistant coaches gaze blankly at a scrolling screen of vague statistics before barking “buy, buy, buy!” and “sell, sell, sell!” indiscriminately.

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Fantasy may not be far from reality this year, as it appears the NFL is trading more players than ever before in anticipation of the November 6th cutoff.

Some notable switch-ups include Jimmy Garroppolo’s departure from the Pats to San Francisco, which granted Tom Brady some added job security and all of us more time to buy his meal service comprised of overpriced vegetables and air. That said, there are some conspiracy theories surrounding the trade, given the 49ers terrible record and the chance Jimmy may not get much play on his new team. To be honest, I meant to Google this further but got his distracted investigating Jimmy’s current marital status because oh my god.

Ditto for Russell Wilson — known popularly as Ciara‘s Instagram husband — who received an early Christmas present in the form of Duane Brown, an offensive tight-end expected to help Wilson take the Seahawks O-line to the next level. Wilson thanked his boss, Pete “Silver Fox” Carroll, for the help by dressing up as him for Halloween — complete with habitual gum chewing.

That reminds me! It’s time for our….

Sports Words of the Week

Offensive tight-end: The tight end (TE) The tight end is often seen as a hybrid position with the characteristics and roles of both an offensive lineman and a wide receiver. Like offensive linemen, they are usually lined up on the offensive line and are large enough to be effective blockers. On the other hand, they are eligible receivers adept enough to warrant a defense’s attention when running pass patterns.

Neil: I found what John said earlier about issues surrounding parakeet rights really upsetting and misguided. But, with a tush that toned, who can be mad at him?

Horace: They don’t call him the offensive tight end for nothing!

Brandwagon fan (n): a person whose sports affiliations rely on factors like on-trend accessories, team colors comprised of face-flattering jewel tones, what was on sale at Zara last week and other determinants unrelated to sports or athletics. 

Jane: Ever since Joanna bought that burgundy moto jacket, she hasn’t shut up about Kirk Cousins.

Julie: She may be a Skins brandwagoner, but you’re the one who bought season Panthers tickets after finding that sky blue mink on sale at Intermix last year. 

Jane: That’s not true! It was rabbit fur!

What’s Up Next

MLB: The *~*World Series*~* Final Game, Tonight! 

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The Astros and Dodgers have clawed their way to Game 7, which means the winner of the World Series will be determined TONIGHT. Right now, it’s anyone’s game, with concerns surrounding pitchers maxing out on both sides and Houston’s shaky record on the road — all eyes are today’s starters Lance McCuller and Yu Darvish. Personally, my eyes are on this mega fab vintage bomber Kate Upton wore last night, because I want it in my closet. Also, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were there to wave a flag, and I’m hoping for even more celeb #sportystyle inspo tonight.

NFL: Baltimore Ravens vs. Tennessee Titans, Sunday

Boh meets banjo and crabs meet country this Sunday when the Baltimore Ravens (4-4) take on the Tennessee Titans (4-3). Pre-game predictions are leaning toward the Titans, given the Ravens shaky pre- and post-season record on the road, but it’s one of Week 9’s closest match-ups. 

Just in time for the big day, I’ve compiled outfits so good no one will notice you hesitate before cheering to ensure you’re woo-hooing for the right team. Click the graphic to shop!

In the Ravens SuiteRavens Suite

In the Titans Suite

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In the Stands at M&T
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In the Stands at Nissan

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Out in Fed HillRavens Bar

Ravens Bar

Out in Nashville 

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Can’t get enough #sports? Check out last week’s round-up featuring looks to rock for Redskins and Cowboys here!

Aesthetically Pleasing Human: That Poppy

Aesthetically Pleasing Human

Depending on your susceptibility to internet conspiracy theories, That Poppy, or, simply “Poppy” is either a J-Pop culture vulture or a satirical personification of the internet at large. Her short, strange videos typically depict a vacuous Poppy presenting the viewer with specific inquiries using a range of inflection and wording — it’s “Alice in Wonderland” meets ASMR.

That Poppy, Sunflower Sunnies

Poppy also makes music and is currently touring. Her DC show at the Rock n’ Roll Hotel has already sold out to other weirdos also addicted to her carefully curated digital presence, produced in large part by her equally vacant counterpart, Titanic Sinclair. I should note there is a vague storyline within these shorts which includes a talking mannequin named Charlotte, an emotionally unstable houseplant and Tom Greene (????)

That Poppy with Titanic Sinclair

I implore you to save your investigation of Poppy until you have a solid four-five hours to spend in bed — this is one of those internet rabbit holes that will suck you right in. In the meantime, I’d like to dedicate the rest of this post to Poppy’s elaborate Kawaii-meets-Moschino style that is often impeccably executed. Muted hues, bizarre accessories and a true commitment statement embroidery come together to form her sartorial presence. Keep scrolling to see what I mean, then shop it for yourself!

That Poppy Monochrome Mauve

That Poppy Embroidered Sequin Midi Dress

Checkered Jumpsuit That Poppy

Tulle and Poms on That Poppy

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Kawaii Dream Girl Starter Kit

That Poppy Inspired Looks

From the bottom left: Aula Palazzo trousers, Farfetch, Floppy disc necklace, Etsy, Sophia Webster faux fur clutch, Selfridges, Cropped fur coat, Revolve, Metallic suede jacket, Zara, Mix pattern jumpsuit, Shopbop, Hello Kitty clutch, ASOS, Pom-pom earrings, Etsy, Two-tone fur coat, Alice & Olivia, Three’s A Crowd pom sandals, Nasty Gal, Christopher Kane sequin dress, Farfetch, Molly Goddard tulle dress, Nordstrom

Things I Screenshot This Week

VTNF Picks

This helpful guide for existing from @newyorkercartoons.

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This perfectly executed pop of color brought to you by Bradley Means.

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This #relatable tweet from John Mayer. Also, who is ignoring John Mayer?

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This miniature style icon discovered while scrolling strangely addictive Everything But The House at 3 a.m.

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This controversial tree legume featured in Amy Kurzweil‘s “Culturally Insensitive Acorn Halloween” series.

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M Street Round-Up

VTNF Picks

Unless you are the Welsh owner/operator of a sheep farm in Chesire, you should be able to part with your Barbour jacket for at least a few days. Instead, consider investing in a statement jacket that complements your outfit instead of covering it up.

This week’s M Street MVP was definitely the Tory Burch dress collection, with Club Monaco and J. Crew helping to round things out. Below, find three #windowshopped looks from my most recent “jog through Georgetown.”

 

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Tory Burch sleeved dress / J. Crew turtleneck, $35/ Helene Berman jacket by way of Antropologie, $248 / Kate Spade leopard pumps, $348 / Marc Jacobs zip purse by way of Cusp / Club Monaco ring / Club Monaco tortoise shell sunglasses / Tuckernuck green lantern earrings, $48

Mstreet2

J. Crew Collection Satin Track Pant, on sale for $200 / Club Monaco Ocalla sweater, $229 / GiGi of New York satchel in blue by way of the RTR clearance sale, $110 / Zara silver brogues, $50 / Banana Republic asymmetrical trench, on sale for $60

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J. Crew coat in bright plum, $378 / Tory Burch Anja Dress, $598 / Alice & Olivia AO x The Beatles clutch, $495 / Zara pumps, $139 / Tory Burch Gemini link bracelet, $178 / Zara two-tone scarf, $36

J. Crew Under $50

Unclear if J.Crew is trying to get the holiday hype started early or about to go bankrupt. Either way, I don’t care — these deals are LIT.

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Cropped stretch pant in warm chimney, $50 / Beaded fan earrings in turquoise, $26 / Double strand link necklace, $24 and hoops, $9 / Espadrille wedges in suede, $48 /  Fringe hoop earrings, $24 / Burgundy cardholder, $20 / Audrey flats, $45 / Large croc leather pouch, $50 / Halter swimsuit, $40 / One shoulder polka dot top, $30

 

Aesthetically Pleasing Human: Lil Yachty

Aesthetically Pleasing Human

If I said I haven’t accidentally listened to Lil Yachty’s “Teenage Emotions” for 95% of my commute home this week, I would be telling you a big fat lie. And yet, with an album cover such as this one, how can I detest this strange, newly formed ritual?

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What I didn’t know about rap’s proudest luxury boat fanatic is that he is already making a splash on hip hop’s second-gen fashion scene, championed by FW regulars like A$AP Rocky and, of course, Kanye West. That said, Lil Yachty’s look deviates from his predecessor’s distinctly due, at least in part, to his unyielding commitment to color. On a scale that begins with Jay Z’s uniform of black t-shirts and more black t-shirts and ends with Shabba Ranks, Lil Yachty’s eccentric aesthetic undoubtedly tips the more flamboyant end of the scale.

Below, I’ve highlighted — not that he needed any more highlighting, really — my favorite Lil Yachty looks to date.

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I’m 98% sure bare skin + oversize blazer + layered statement jewelry just became my new favorite equation. If you care to join, here’s a Celine statement chain swiped from the Chic on the Cheap vault to get the ball rolling.

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From the “Lady In Yellow” music video. Way to keep it on-brand, LY.

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Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes (Stefon voice.) It should be noted that Blake Lively also wore this outfit recently, because it’s 2017 and life is weird.

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I thought no one could wear teeny tiny sunglasses better than Rihanna, and now I am in the midst of an internal crisis. Taken from EXIT Mag by way of Hypebeast.

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Taken from of the UGG x Jeremy Scott spread that launched this summer. The boots say “Ugg Life,” because of course they do.

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I’m pretty sure Man Repeller was prompted to declare red the new monochrome go-to immediately after uncovering this image.

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This reminded me of Andre 3000’s incredible approach to music videos, which, in turn, made my heart smile.

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I’m pretty sure Lil Yachty is what happens when you turn the saturation up to 100 while filtering that picture you look really pale in.

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Heads up: your statement sleeves are not in the same universe as Lil Yachty’s statement sleeves.

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All this to say, I love you.

If you’re looking for a Lil Yachty starter pack, “Forever Young,” “Bring It Back,” “Lady In Yellow” and “Priorities” are great places to begin. Seriously! So good!

Chic on the Cheap: Céline

Chic on the Cheap

If Celine continues to prove one thing, it’s that bigger is basically always better. The brand’s masterfully marrying of bold, statement patterns and designs without sacrificing sophistication, there’s a reason this powerhouse has been selling out of four-figure handbags for almost seventy-five years. 

Below, I’ve rounded up my favorite secondhand Celine finds you can buy and still afford to eat this week! 

Remember!

  • I never recommend anything I wouldn’t buy myself, and I keep an eye on price to ensure the consignment price is significantly lower than the cost of buying new.
  • I double check Poshmark finds to ensure there are no obvious signs of overwear or damage.
  • Remember: Poshmark encourages offers, and you can often achieve a 20-30% lower price using this tool. It differs from eBay’s bidding system in that you will automatically be awarded the purchase if the buyer accepts your offer price. A seller can also counteroffer a different price, which you will be prompted to accept, counteroffer, or decline.
  • Search the product name in The RealReal before buying, if your purchase can wait. I’ve noticed if TRR has a lot of a certain product in stock, the products they received more recently higher than the items that have been in the system for a while. 

Dead for These, Living for These: My Favorites

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Burgundy chainlink heels, size 9, $180 via Poshmark

Statement necklace/belly chain (!!!), $70 via Poshmark

Macadam overnight tote, $345 via Poshmark

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Medium ponyhair Trapeze bag, $1,075 and here for $1,095 via The RealReal

Cognac booties, size 7.5, $449 or full riding boot, size 9, $300 via Poshmark

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Tweed herringbone skirt, Size 10, on sale for $38 via The RealReal

Bags

Large Trapeze bag in black, $895 via The RealReal

Large Trapeze bag in burgundy, $980 via Poshmark

Medium Trapeze bag in ocean blue, $1,100 via Poshmark

Medium tri-color Trapeze bag, $925 via The RealReal

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Embossed small Trapeze bag in gray, $1,045 via The RealReal

Leopard ponyhair mini tote, on sale for $1,186 via The RealReal

Vintage clutch, $175, via The RealReal

Diamond shoulder bag, $495 via The RealReal (save 20% with code REAL)

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Embossed frame bag, $325 via The RealReal (save 20% with code REAL)

Shoes

Houdstooth printed boots, size 10.5, $575 via Poshmark

Suede peep-toe boots in chocolate, size 9, on sale for $165 via The RealReal

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Suede tassel ankle booties, size 6, on sale for $88 via The RealReal

Suede tassel riding boots, size 7.5 for $200 or size 8 for $175 via Poshmark

Burgundy fringe loafers, size 9.5, $275 via The RealReal (save 20% with code REAL)

Dark leather booties, size 7 or size 10, $375 via Poshmark

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Tan heels, size 9, $90 via Poshmark

Clothing

Runway slit top, size 2, $225 via Poshmark

Suede and leather top, size 4, on sale for $248 via The RealReal

Peplum pattern top in black, size 4, $225 via The RealReal

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Wool fringe top, size S, on sale for $267 via The RealReal

Vintage pattern blouse, size 36, $295 via Poshmark

High-rise white wide-leg pants, size M, $275 via The RealReal (save 20% with code REAL)

Gray wool skirt, size 6, $35 via Poshmark or size 10, on sale for $207 via The RealReal

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Shift dress in camel, size 8, $225 or black, on sale for $207 via The RealReal

Deep green vintage skirt, size 6, $39 via Poshmark

Camel cropped jacket, $195 via The RealReal (save 20% with code REAL)

xxac

Sports, for People Who Kind of Hate Sports: October 26

VTNF Picks
Sports, for People Who Kind of Hate Sports is a weekly guide intended to provide the sports inept with talking points for interactions with professional superiors, chatty Uber drivers, significant other’s male relatives and other sports-minded cohorts.

The Drama

And you thought your retainer was pricey. Steph Curry has been fined your annual salary for allegedly throwing his mouthguard at an official. That said, he took responsibility for what happened during a golf trip with former President Obama (?!??) saying, “Again, it was a dumb thing to do. It was stupid. Learn from it and try to move on and be better.” #Inspired.

Martavis Bryant tells Steelers management “It’s not me, it’s you.” Apparently taking PTO is code for FU in the NFL, with the Steelers’ receiver playing hooky on Monday following reports of some major friction between Bryant and his teammates. While it’s apparently common knowledge Bryant has wanted out for a few weeks, Camp Steeler’s says not-so-fast. Check out who the Post thinks may snatch him up here. 

Like any good BFF, Lebron was there to send (what we assume were) multi-paragraph inspirational texts with corresponding GIFs after the Cav’s recent decison to move Dwayne Wade to their second unit. I mean, obviously he has the name, but a lot of guys are trying to adjust as well.” James said in response to the switch, followed by, “and honestly, D. Wade’s so much prettier than a lot of the other starting players, and it just sucks that they’re acting like this because he’s seriously such a fun person to go out with.” *Last portion of quote edited for clarity.

ESPN’s Barstool Sports buy is already messy. Unsurprisingly this story involves a sexist rant, a stealthy plotted revenge, and the cancellation of what was likely going to be a very mediocre webcast (?) after only one episode. Feel free to decipher through the many tweets that make up this one here. 

Sports Words of the Week

Wide receiver, (n): The wide receiver’s principal role is to catch passes from the quarterback. On passing plays, the receiver attempts to avoid, outmaneuver, or simply outrun defenders (typically cornerbacks or safeties) in the area of his pass route. If the receiver becomes open, or has an unobstructed path to the destination of a catch, he may then become the quarterback’s target. Once a pass is thrown in his direction, the receiver’s goal is to first catch the ball and then attempt to run downfield.

Good thing this closet is a wide receiver, otherwise my winter wardrobe may not fit! 

Snackandering, (v):  when freshly anointed girlfriend of sports fan employs the use of a delicious, homemade snack to win favor among new significant other’s group of friends at weekly basement viewing party.

Rob: “Even though she sat in another room and did not interact with us whatsoever, Kyle’s new girlfriend seems pretty cool.”

Chad: “I don’t even remember her name, but I’m pretty sure he’s found the one. That’s the best seven-layer dip I’ve had in, like, at least a few years.”

Brandon: “Yup, dip was dope. If she’s snackandering us, I’m cool with it.”

What’s Up Next

MLB: Houston Astros vs. LA Dodgers, Game 4: Friday

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IDK, there’s like 10,000 baseball games, but the World Series is in full swing (HA!) and this could determine who wins it! Also, Kate Upton will be there and (hopefully?) Chrissy Teigen, too. 

NFL: Miami Dolphins vs. Baltimore Ravens, Thursday

The predictions surrounding this are pretty split, given both teams’ underwhelming records and Jay Cutler’s recent rib injury (who is known popularly as Kirstin Cavallari’s Instagram husband.) That said, the Dolphins are coming off of a three-week winning streak, which has some sports contributors wondering if they have finally hit their stride (lol, get it?!)

NFL: Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins, Sunday

This, shockingly, is the slated to be one of the closest match-ups of Week 8. Despite the Redskins time-honored tradition of choking on a rogue .30 caliber pistol thrown by Joe Simpson and/or Willie Nelson while playing the Cowboys, many are confident Cousins and Thompson will bring the humid, swamp-like DC heat this weekend. That said, Dallas definitely appears to have a stronger defense on deck, which could keep the Skins’ superstars from doing their thing.

Annnd just in time for the big day, I’ve compiled what you need to be wearing if you intend to spend Sunday eating snacks and scrolling Instagram while your boyfriend compulsively opens and closes his fantasy football app. You’re welcome! 

If You’re a Redskins Fan This Week

Stands

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J.O.A. knit top via Zappos, $70 / STS Blue ripped crop jeans, $25 / AINEA Chevron faux fur coat, $288, Inge Christopher Finn clutch, $135, Calvin Klein mules, $63

Sports Bar

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American Rag Moto Jacket, $50 / AG Leatherette Pants, $255 / Steven by Steve Madden white booties / Tory Burch brown shoulder bag, $260

Suite

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If You’re a Cowboys Fan This Week

Sports Bar

Cowboy's

Knitted Knotted textured sweater / Rag & bone/JEAN destroyed skinny jeans, $200 / Boutique Moschino blue flat shoes / LULUS snake print purse / FARIS earrings

Suite

Cowboy's 3

Stands
Cowboy's 2

J Crew white top / Mara Hoffman coat, $600 / Current/Elliott distressed jeans, $245 / Steve Madden leather boots / True Decadence chain strap handbag, $45

Chic on the Cheap: Elizabeth & James

Chic on the Cheap

When it comes to wearable fashion, Elizabeth & James continue to get it right every time. Each piece includes just the right amount of trend, resulting in lines of timeless items that are perfect for both work and play. 

Below, I’ve rounded up my favorite secondhand Celine finds you can buy and still afford to eat this week! 

Remember!

  • I never recommend anything I wouldn’t buy myself, and I keep an eye on price to ensure the consignment price is significantly lower than the cost of buying new.
  • I double check Poshmark finds to ensure there are no obvious signs of overwear or damage.
  • Remember: Poshmark encourages offers, and you can often achieve a 20-30% lower price using this tool. It differs from eBay’s bidding system in that you will automatically be awarded the purchase if the buyer accepts your offer price. A seller can also counteroffer a different price, which you will be prompted to accept, counteroffer, or decline.
  • Search the product name in The RealReal before buying, if your purchase can wait. I’ve noticed if TRR has a lot of a certain product in stock, the products they received more recently higher than the items that have been in the system for a while. 

Dead for These, Living for These: My Favorites

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Leather fringe skirt in oxblood, size 2, on sale via The RealReal for $140

Wool high rise pants, size 2, via The RealReal for $65

Black and white pattern halter dress, size 6, $50 via Poshmark

Ostrich feather-trim dress, size 0, $135 or in white, size S, $116 via the RealReal, or similar in black, size L $200, via eBay

Dresses 

V-neck dress in maroon, size 4, $65 or in black, $75 via The RealReal

High neck dress in plum, size 0, $55 via Poshmark

Cutout mini dress in black, Size S or Size M in pink, via The RealReal for $65

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Bell sleeve mini dress in maroon, size 4, 6, 8, $101 via Rent the Runway clearance sale

Silk babydoll dress in burnt orange, size 2, $20 via Poshmark 

Clothing

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Fringe evening jacket, size small, $95 via The RealReal

Ruched boyfriend blazer, size 2, $65 via The RealReal

Satin pants with front tie, Size S, $65 via The RealReal 

Accessories

Leather Cynnie Crossbody Bag, $125 via The RealReal
(I have this in plum — love it! The magnetic closures keep it shut no matter how many times you’re in and out of it.)

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Leopard Cynnie Bucket Bag, $138 via the Rent the Runway clearance sale

Suede ankle boots in navy, size 6 for $95 and size 10 for $52, via The RealReal

xxac